Get Real.....

I read this blog today about a a girl who is struggling with infertility and needed some encouragement. She wanted to hear other stories of women in waiting...waiting for a husband or waiting for a baby, so here is our story.

I married my high school sweetheart James. We have been together for a total of 17 years! James was 16 and I was 14. I truly married the man of my dreams!! He is everything I could have ever hoped for. I remember my dad coming to my bedside praying for us girls while we were asleep. Praying for our future husbands. Thanks dad!

James and I had been married for two years and we wanted to start trying for a baby. After we tried for a year we talked to our doctor and she ordered some test for both James and me. James and I both have fertility issues. We did figure out that James' fertility issue was hereditary through the men of his family.

James needed surgery. So after much prayer and research he had the surgery. All I can say is this was one of the worst thing we ever did. The doctor told James that the success rate was great and there was like a 10% chance that his surgery would go wrong. Well for some reason James' surgery went bad and he fell into that 10%. To say the least we were both devastated! We were worse off then when we started our journey.

So after another year of trying my doctor decided I needed surgery. So again after much prayer and research I had surgery. We did find out that I had endometriosis. The doctor "cleaned" out all the endometriosis and did a dye test. After the surgery I had a HORRIBLE reaction to iodine and that was a nightmare! After that was all cleared up we started our fertility treatments. We did three round of fertility treatments and none of it worked. We were both devastated and brokenhearted!

After much prayer we decided to take a break from treatments. We tried for a total of 10 years!!! We have felt every emotion possible...from heartache to joy.

A couple of years ago our church asked us to lead a mission trip to Croatia and we have such a big heart for missions and were so happy to go. On that trip we truly heard God. The entire trip James and I both felt like this trip was to be a trip of rest and restoration. It was a life changing trip for both of us. The pastor we were working with asked us if he and his wife could pray for us a baby and we of course said yes!! What an amazing prayer. To listen to someone pray in they native language begging God for us a baby...I can't even describe it. Long story short we came back from that trip pregnant!!!! It was August 2007.

At first we could not believe it! I called my doctor and went in for blood work and realized we were in the middle of a miscarriage. Our hearts broke! I remember sitting in the doctor's office having a sonogram and hearing my doctor tell me....I'm surprised you even got pregnant because I thought you would never get pregnant on your own. I remember looking at James and telling my doctor that this pregnancy was a gift from God and he gave me the blankest look. Needless to say we changed doctors after that. I remember just not being able to function. We had FINALLY had our dream come true and it was stolen from us. That night we had a missions report at our church and I couldn't even think about talking in front of our church when I lost the baby that same day. Through God's grace and strength I was able to share about our wonderful time in Croatia....minus the baby stuff.

After months of healing we went to a different doctor. A doctor that was a believer! He was amazing and so helpful. I was due the first time in March 2008 and after a month of treatments and intense prayer we found out again that I was pregnant again!! How amazing was it that I was pregnant exactly nine months later when I was due the first time. It was right before Easter 2008 and then Easter weekend we lost another baby! Again heartbroken! I can't even describe the pain we were going through.

We knew God had a big plan for us. We didn't understand His plan but we trusted it, no matter what the plan was. Again, we took another break from treatments and needed time to heal. That's when we found our closest friends and family stepping up and just let us be real....real ugly and real raw. We so needed it. No one to judge us on how we felt. No one to tell us it would work out. No one to tell us it's in His timing...I can't tell you how much I hated that statement. It's all in God's timing. When you are going through the darkest time of your life and you have heard that statement for 10 years you really don't want to hear that! I know it's all in God's timing but I didn't need to hear it.

Then in February 2009 we got a call from a friend that works at a hospital and she told us that a girl walked in and had a baby but couldn't keep her. She asked us if we wanted the baby......YES!!! We became instant parents to our wonderful Farrah. It has been one amazing journey and now I see His plan.

Now that Farrah is almost two it's time for another baby. We are about to start all the treatments again and I so badly don't want to get wrapped up in treatments but this is what we feel like we are suppose to do at the moment. Is this the right way I don't know but if we don't try then we won't know. If it's the wrong way then we believe God will shut this door and open another.

There is so much more to the story and I hope that one day that I will be able to write a book and share our story. If you have any questions or want to ask me anything please do. We believe this journey is not only ours but so many others as well.