Rough day...

So today I went to my new OBGYN. I really like him so much! I like that he is very forward, to tell you the truth I needed this today. After his exam Dr. discovered that I do in fact have problems getting pregnant. He said that I have endometriosis. So this answers a lot of questions. This is quite possibly why for eight years we have not gotten pregnant. He did find other things that weren't right and didn't help my case for fertility but I don't really feel like giving the details in that. (It's a little to personal.) He did say with all the factors added up that we have a 10-15% chance of ever getting pregnant. So this was a little shocking! I think in the back of my mind I already knew this but when you hear it in percentage wise its a little shocking. 15%!!!! Dr. did tell me that he was not the doctor for me and he could not help me get pregnant but when I did get pregnant he would deliver our babies. So I have an appointment for sometime in January to see my new fertility specialist...and I will go in with a good attitude.

So having time to digest this just hurts. I have incredible friends and family who are so supportive and love us so much! All I could think about was I just wanted to hold Farrah. Farrah can make my hurt go away. She is such a gift from God and I know He is not done giving us children. I would love to know how it feels to be pregnant but if God chooses for another lady to carry my babies then great! It doesn't make it any easier though. I have no idea what it feels like to hear my babies heart beat, to see it for the first time on a sonogram, to find out the sex, to feel a life move inside of you or to actually bring a baby into this world.

But I know one thing for sure...with all the support from my incredible friends and family we will make it through this. We have been so down and felt the weight of the world on our shoulders and have always managed to pick our self up, dust off and go on with the help of family, friends and my God!!

I will have more tears and more hurts and I would love to be really honest with my feelings but this is not the place. So thank you Kelsey and Abby for seeing the crying side of me today. Thank you James, mom, Shawna and Jean for loving me for me. This is not easy to go through but having y'all by my side is a little easier.