There are so many times when I pray that its about me...my wants, my needs and me crying out that it's not fair. Not fair that we've spent fourteen years trying to have a baby of our own. Not fair that so and so gets so many blessings, not fair that their business is thriving and ours is struggling. Then I discovered this is not a fair world. This world is fallen and that's why God sent his son, Jesus. Not that our world or our life would ever be perfect but that we would have a relationship with the Son who is perfect.
There's not a day that goes by that I don't fail at something. I fail my family, my home, my husband, my daughter but you know what....that's ok. You know why? Because I serve a God who knows my heart. I'm NOT perfect. God didn't call me to be perfect he called me to be me. Over the years I've had to learn that not everyone is going to like me and accept me. It's been hard but God truly blessed me with an incredible husband, family and friends that get me.
This morning I felt God wake me up early and asked me to just be in His presence and you know what....God showed up! Of course He did. It wasn't anything special, just me sitting at my kitchen table with a cup of hot tea, my bible and some praise music. I've cried and I have praised Him. God is doing so many things in our lives that sometimes it hurts and sometimes its lonely but getting into the word makes everything alright.
Today is Good Friday and my heart is so heavy! Heavy in the fact that now that I have a child of my own I can't fathom what Jesus was thinking. To know that your father has called you to be sacrificed. Sacrificed for people that HATED him. Sacrificed for people who spat and beat him. Sacrificed for sins that he never committed. To carry that cross for miles after being beaten and ripped of your dignity in front of the whole world. All Jesus wanted was to love his people and show them the truth.
Then to see God's side of things. To put your only son on the cross to die for so many sins and people who hated your son and didn't believe him. Now that I have a daughter, I can't fathom the idea much less the action. Easter became very real to me the year Farrah was born. I will spend my whole life protecting Farrah. To even think that I would have to have my only child die for people's sins. I can only imagine Mary, Jesus' mother, at the foot of his cross. A mother will protect her child at any cost. Mary knew what Jesus' purpose was here on earth and watching it all happen must have been traumatic. I know God gave her grace to watch her son be sacrificed.
Now I'm rambling...sorry! The one thing I prayed for and fasted for was that I would have a true encounter with God this season and I have. This afternoon I'm doing this workout called the Jesus WOD. From what I understand and have been told is to be ready to get emotional. This WOD represents what Jesus went through when he carried his cross. Here's the workout.....
14 Rounds for time with 65 pound barbell
10 Deadlifts
10 Squat cleans
10 Push press
50 feet of Walking Lunges with barbell on back
Walk back to start point
Barbell should only touch the ground on rounds 3, 7 & 9
Rounds 3, 7 & 9 - Turkish Get Up with a kettlebell
The WOD represents 14 stations of the Cross
with the three times Jesus fell to the ground
I'll speak for myself but I really needed to get a glimpse for me to see what Jesus went through. This WOD is NOTHING of what Jesus went through but for me I need to do this.
I am so thankful for this Easter season! I have so many things to be thankful for. I pray that you would all find your Jesus encounter this Easter.
